Preventing an argument after an email or message
Where there is a history of conflict, it can become easy to try to avoid the other parent. This might be because you expect that they will react poorly, become passive aggressive or even explode in one way or another.
When the situation is volatile, it can help to communicate strategically. Here are five points to think about that can help to keep things calm.
Focus on practical needs rather than emotional issues. It is tempting to bring up all the ways they have hurt or insulted you, but voicing these grievances at the wrong time is likely to make things worse.
Address the future rather than the past. The past may have been difficult but it cannot be changed. You can sculpt the future. For instance, it is far more constructive to ask what arrangements can be made for a child’s birthday this year than to remind the other parent that they forgot the same birthday last year.
Keep messages and emails short and clear. If you include too many things, there is a risk that the other parent may address some and skirt around the ones that you actually want solved. Use dot points or numbers and keep the content limited to three or four issues: that way, there is less chance that they can be avoided.
Do not send more than three messages in a week without a response. If you know that your messages have been read, it does not help to keep sending more. It is better to establish boundaries where it is acknowledged that if you have said or written something, you meant it the first time. If there is no response after a week, follow it up with a time by which you need a response. If you still do not get a response, move on to mediation.
Focus on the children. If you approach the other parent with frustration and anger, they are likely to become hostile. However, if you approach issues through pointing out what the children need, it is much more likely to work towards positive solutions. In the end, it doesn’t matter if the other parent is a clown: it matters that the children get what they need to thrive.
If you would like any details on how mediation can work in your situation, please contact our office for a free fifteen minute phone consultation.
