My ex won’t let me see my child. What should I do?

Amongst separated parents, gatekeeping behaviour is not uncommon. Sometimes one parent has legitimate concerns for the safety of the child. In this circumstance, they should contact the appropriate authorities, including child protection or the police. However, there are other circumstances where their refusal may not be legitimate.

There are many reasons why a parent may attempt to minimise the contact the child has with the other parent. These might include convenience, control, cost or safety concerns. Some of these motives may be more justified than others depending on the circumstance.

It may not be in the child’s best interests to lose a relationship with one parent, even if the child is refusing contact. We believe that it is best for a child to have a meaningful relationship with both parents unless there is a clear reason that this would be detrimental. It is important to note that parents don’t typically have a right to see their children, but children have a right to a meaningful relationship with both of their parents. While this might not mean that they spend an equal amount of time with each parent, it does mean that they should both have a presence and influence on the child’s development. If you would like to negotiate about your level of contact with your child, mediation is a process where both parents can come together to discuss the best way forward.

Some court orders stipulate that you cannot see your child. Preparing for reunification can involve waiting for the completion date of the order, engaging in services that provide supervised time or attending parenting courses. Legal advice should be sought to know where you stand.

Mediation is a flexible process where the various concerns of both parents can be heard. We can help to identify blockages that have stopped parents working together and focus the discussion on what is best for the children. If you would like more information on how mediation could apply to your own situation, do not hesitate to contact our office for a free fifteen minute consultation.